Alienation
Feeling like your life is not your own?
This can be a hard feeling to put your finger on.
Perhaps you feel like an outsider in the very places you should feel most like an insider… in your family, your community, your culture, or your work. You go through the motions, but the motions feel empty, like they just don’t represent what you actually care about. You feel like you just don’t belong. There’s a deep sense of homelessness.
Perhaps it’s even more fundamental than that. Perhaps you feel torn apart from your very sense of self, your sense of self-worth and meaning, your agency, or your autonomy. You feel less than human, like a plaything or tool that belongs to another.
It’s probably not just a feeling. You may be suffering from alienation.
And you’re not alone. In fact, it’s the life problem I help people with the most in philosophical counseling.
I know that “alienation” is a heavy philosophical term. But I think you will recognize the cluster of problems it names right away.
When you’re a stranger in your own life…
Your activities tend to be directed by others.
Others decide the meaning and purpose of your life – usually in terms of your usefulness for fulfilling THEIR projects, desires, and expectations.
Your “shalls” and “shall nots” are handed to you as unquestionable laws you must obey.
And, often, there’s an unspoken rule that you better like it… or at least pretend to like it. If you don’t, then YOU must be the problem.
It’s like you’re some character in a play.
And that character is all that others come to know of you – as if THAT is your identity.
Your life follows a script written by someone else. If you don’t easily live up to it, they see you as a disappointment. If you do live up to it, you feel like a phony.
Whoever it is that YOU are and want to be…
Whatever it is that YOU believe in and care about…
Whatever your personality might be…
Whatever your thoughts, your values, your choices, your creativity, your talents, your passions are…
They’re not showing up in your world. They aren’t finding expression, activation, or development. They’re quieted, silenced… invisible.
You feel lost in the drama of your life.
You are not living your life; your life is living you.
You don’t know how to change your situation. You feel trapped. Powerless.
If someone asked you what you wanted out of life…
Would you have any idea of what to say?
Have you ever been encouraged to think about it?
Were you ever punished for expressing yourself in a way that was off-script?
Understandably, you might feel confused about your sense of self, your values, purpose, and aspirations.
Have you ever found someone in your life who’s open to questioning and examining the norms and expectations you’ve been following? A friend to help you explore new points of view and find your way?
It’s no wonder you feel alone in the world… isolated… disconnected from any genuine relationship with others.
Alienation is difficult psychologically, but it’s more than that.
Alienation involves a whole constellation of feelings. It can be depressing, lonely, frustrating, paralyzing, disorienting… even terrifying. It can make you feel like your life is empty, aimless, worthless, meaningless, or even a big lie.
And those feelings are probably the very things making you seek help. As much as they suck, I’m glad they are sounding the alarm for you and letting you know there’s a problem.
But alienation is not merely a set of feelings. It’s not just a subjective mental state. It’s not “all in your head.”
Alienation names a situation that you are in in the world. It’s not just about you. It’s about the world, too — the social structures and power dynamics that you find yourself in.
It stretches beyond the dimension of your feelings or your subjective perception of things.
It involves interlocking existential, ethical, and social-political dimensions.
To treat alienation as if it were strictly psychological would mean neglecting key dimensions that we’ll need to deal with if we’re going to relieve it.
If you’re in a state of alienation, self-fulfillment feels out of reach.
But all hope is not lost!
A crisis of alienation is an opportunity to reclaim your freedom, find your direction, and become the artist of your life.
In philosophical counseling, I can help you navigate the existential, ethical, and social dimensions of alienation to build greater clarity, meaning, freedom, integrity, and authenticity in your life.
These things are the antidotes for alienation – not a pill… not a drink… and not a shopping spree. (Believe me, I’ve tried.)
Ready to take back your life?
Monica Vilhauer, Ph.D. Philosophical Counselor
In philosophical counseling, you’ll get a partner ready to support you on your journey… which helps with that isolation problem right away.
Let’s put YOU back into the equation of your life!
Reach out to schedule your free consultation call.
Want to learn more about the existential, ethical, and social dimensions of alienation? Read on . . .